The first Fable rocked. Fuck everyone who disagrees, I loved that game. I loved killing the guards, I loved killing the bandits, I loved killing... every... else. Okay, so I played the game rather one dimensional, but I'm not seeing your point. The point of games is to have fun, right? And I had a lot of that, even if it was mindless by the time I got to Twinblade. Although he was a challenge. Not hard, but a challenge.

So Lionhead announces motherfucking Fable II and I'm start acting like a little girl. I scream, jump for joy, and yell "FUCK YEAH!" Okay, maybe little girls don't do that. Much. But I did. I was excited. I mean, the trailer had GUNS! I like guns. You can shoot people with them. If you're like, relaxing and maxxin', and someone is trying to fuck up your shit, you shoot them in the head and be on your fuggin' way.

And the dog. The dog looked amazing. As a few of my closer friends know, I'm a fan of canines over felines, and this dog was SMART! Do you know how many dogs are smart? Like, 2! (I know none of them) I was impressed, to say the least.

I begin to follow the game with half-hearted enthusiasm, pleased with some aspects, disappointed with others. For example, because of its setting of 500 years after the first, there would be no more bows, just guns (Crossbows just don't feel the same as longbows, so sod off). But the dog and the fact that its Fable really made me feel happy. Granted, we have Peter Molyneaux on this project, and he tends to promise to much, but he seemed to be holding off on that.

Game finally arrives. Its mine, I pop it into the 360, load up my account, and am rewarded with the OH SO FUN task of collecting gold pieces as a child so I can buy a music box for my bitch of a sister. Once we get the music box and I get older, it gets much more fun, so I'm willing to pardon that. Then I realize something. The button layout is completely dfferent. The expressions are easier to access, I don't end up failing epicly when drawing wheapons because I forget what button it white and which is black, as this are now all cleverly mapped to X, Y, and B, and I can't roll. I want to roll, but until I get LEVEL 1 DEXTEROUS SKILLS, alack, I cannot. Oh, and the dog is fucking retarded. Well, he can find treasure of every sort, but after that, he's kind of a gorramn idiot. He never attacks nobody, which I need someone to do. At least he's loyal. That's good. But I seriously cannot stress how retarded this dog is. But again, it gave me some mindless fun. I just got married a lot, had some kids, bought every house in the gypsy camp, and a couple of shops. Now I make money every time I breathe.

The marriage thing is actually pretty cool, what with the children, and actually, the whole game feels a lot like the first Fable. Which I loved. And am horribly biased towards. But they've changed just enough to make it feel like a new, better game, and I'm very pleased with the final result.

96%