Way back in 2005, when the 360 wasn't even out yet (I know you're saying that there was no time, but apparently there was a time when something called an "Xbox" existed, whatever that was) and the next big Nintendo thing was the GameBoy Failu- I mean Micro. During late 2005 (November 8th) Harmonix and Red Octane released the first Guitar Hero on Playstation 2, a game that set the bar for all music games to come. Featuring songs from David Bowie to Judas Priest to modern bands like Franz Ferdinand, plus 17 bands from independent bands, it won multiple awards, including IGN's 2005 Game of the Year, Best Control Peripheral, and Best Soundtrack. Since most of the music came from the 80s or before, I found it fantastic to be wailing along to what I thought were its two most famous tracks, Deep Purple's Smoke on the Water and Black Sabbath's Iron Man. Plus, they introduced me to Motorhead and Stevie Ray Vaughan, so big bonus points there.

Harmonix and Red Octane saw this massive (and surprising) success and, of course, proceeded to make a second game a year later, releasing Guitar Hero II in November of 2006. Although not as acclaimed as the first, this game still exceeded expectations, and they were able to include bands such as Van Halen (You Really Got Me) and Iron Maiden (The Trooper), while re-including bands from the first like Megadeth (Hanger 18) and Deep Purple (Hush), with another 24 bonus songs, my personal favorites being Dethklok's "Thunderhorse" and Strong Bad's "Trogdor". GHII was lucratively successful, and in April 2007 re-released it on the Xbox 360 with updated graphics, and extra 10 songs, and 24 extra songs off of XBL marketplace, for a whopping total of 98 songs. The fact they included STRONG BAD blew everyone's mind, and it was, in the end, another amazing success for Harmonix and Red Octane.

Then Guitar Hero Encore: Rocks the 80s came out in July 2007. If Guitar Hero had a canon (it doesn't), Rock's the 80s doesn't count. With a reduced soundtrack based solely of the 1980s, it wasn't a full game, it was an expansion pack (it had a third the number of songs as Guitar Hero II) that was sold for 50 bucks, which is bullshit. It got goodish reviews, but it seemed like Guitar Hero was declining, all the money going to their heads. Hell, I only enjoy maybe 6 of the 30 bands included. But as a bonus, The Brothers Chaps, the geniuses behind Homestar Runner, make their second appearence, with Limozeen's hit "Because, its Midnite", a parody of all those crappy 80's glam bands (70s glam was win, 80s glam was fail)

You know about 3 sentences up, I said that Rocks the 80s was bad because it Guitar Hero was, at this point, just a cash cow? Well, it turns out that while that may have been a reason, it wasn't the reason. Harmonix was bought by MTV Productions, and Red Octane was acquired by Activision, spelling the end of their union. Harmonix would later go onto create Rock Band, sparking many a debate over which was better, but more on that later.

In October 2007, Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock was released. The setlist actually didn't suck too bad, although it could have used improvement, such as scrapping The Smashing Pumpkins and all that emo shit they crammed in the Co-op mode. Boss Battles, which included Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine and Audioslave fame and Slash from GnR, was... meh. I found it too hard, no matter what difficulty it was set too, and once you beat it once, it was suddenly so easy you could play it while asleep. With your dong.

A month later, Harmonix released Rock Band, and although it had twelve fewer songs, it had an advantage in the form of drums. And a microphone. But I'm tone deaf and hate singing, so we'll ignore that for now. Both were popular, but Rock Band ended up blowing GHIII out of the water with its, you know, FULL BAND LAYOUT. Although the layout was different, it was generally prettier. The only complaints were that the drums broke easily, which never happened to me, which means that it clearly never happens. Clearly. The setlist, which included Jet, Rush, Radiohead, Blue Oyster Cult, and even Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld from South Park. Yes, the gameplay was a bit easy, and yes, the guitar sucked more dick then Jenna Jameson, but it still kicked ass, and most of the songs still ended up pretty good.

After a short hiatus, Guitar Hero: On Tour was released for the Nintendo DS in June 2008. I never got it, and I really don't feel like talking about it because honestly, it wasn't that good. It was uncomfortable to hold and play, and it had Gwen Stefani on it. A sequel, Guitar Hero: On Tour Decades, was released in November 2008, but it was basically just what Rocks of the 80s was to GHII, and since it only came out a month after World Tour, it was pretty under the radar. And it brought us this:

I have never wanted to die more then right now.

In October 2008, Guitar Hero World Tour was launched. It was essentially just Rock Band made by a different company, more annoying drums, and a half shit song list. On one hand, there are two Hendrix songs (Wind Cries Mary and Purple Haze), Van Halen makes another appearence with Hot for Teacher, and Paramore's insanely catchy Misery Business, as well as Dream Theater and three, repeat, THREE Tool songs. On the other... Tokio Hotel, Linkin Park, and Coldplay are in this. Back to the good hand, you've got System of a Down, Michael Jackson, and two Ozzy songs (Mr. Crowley and Crazy Train, his best), but you also have Blink-182, Modest Mouse, 30 Seconds to Mars, and Interpol. For every time The Doors play, there's Negramaro. Sure, you can have Billy Idol's epic "Rebel Yell", if you don't mind playing through Jane's Addiction, Jimmy Eat World, and The Cult first, in three slow and boring songs. It's still fun to play, but it suffers from Bad Setlist Syndrome, and its terminal.

Harmonix, wanting to stay on top, released Rock Band 2 in September 2008 because they saw the shit Activision was pulling. While still a fun game, it was basically just the original Rock Band with one or two new modes and a new set list. A set list that includes Bob Dylan. That's right. You know how Willie Nelson makes no sense in a game about hard rock? Well, I'm willing to bet he only got into World Tour because of Bob Dylan in RB2. Still, with Grateful Dead, Metallica, Disturbed, Kansas, AC/DC, and Bon Jovi, plus you could put all but 3 of songs from the first game into RB2 (Unfortunately, the one's you couldn't move were the really good songs, Iron Maiden's Run to the Hills, Metallica's Enter Sandman, and Black Sabbath's Paranoid.) for only 5 bucks.

So here we are, a nice war brewing between Harmonix and Red Octane fans. I'm on Harmonix's side with this one, partially because I hate Activision, and because ever since Neversoft (a company famous for Tony Hawk games) took over, the Guitar Hero games have just been declining in quality. Now, if only Harmonix could release a guitar that didn't suck.

As a bonus to all you guys out there, I'm going to go ahead and rate Guitar Hero: World Tour and Rock Band 2, further blurring the line that tells if this is a feature or a review. And so, BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY THE GREAT GOD THOR, LORD OF THUNDER AND SON OF ODIN

Guitar Hero: World Tour - 89%
Rock Band 2 - 95%