Although about 90% of all the games that have been reviewed on this site have been first person shooters, every once in a blue moon I find myself writing something that isn't about running through some giant Nazi/alien/zombie base/laboratory/infested city armed with some sort of rifle and a pair of enormous balls/breasts blowing the ever-loving shit out of everything that moves. From Duke Nukem to Half-Life 2 to... yes, Halo, this site gets way too much action in the way of FPS' and so it falls upon me to remedy the situation every so often with a game where you don't actually shoot people, but instead tell people in over sized armor who to shoot. Ladies and gentlemen... today's game is Dawn of War II.

Dawn of War is the virtual component to the famous Warhammer 40K, or as I call it, Nerd Cocaine. So Dawn of War is... I guess crack? Don't quote me on that, but needless to say, its a great series.

As far as RTS games go, Dawn of War is head and shoulders above the rest. No, that's a lie. It's head, shoulder, and large Space Marine barrel chest above the competition. I grew up on Age of Empires, and even though I've drifted away, I can still recognize a great RTS when I play it. And Dawn of War II is that RTS.

First off, gameplay. As in the first one, the game is squad based. When you press the button to train a Space Marine, you'll get a squad of three Space Marines, which you then use to rain havoc upon the greenskins. I mean Orks. You have four races to pick from, all of which are unique and pretty damn sweet. You've got my favorite, the Space Marines, who are soldiers on steriods, brain enhancing therapy... and are epic in all forms of the word. Oh, and they invented the chainsword. Which is enough to qualify for "Most Badass in the Universe". Then there are the Orks, who are literally giant sentient plants. They reproduce by releasing spores when they're about to die. Because of this, they are the most numerous species in the galaxy, and if it wasn't for the fact they are highly tribal and often too busy fighting amongst themselves, we would surely all be dead. Also, they talk what seems like Ebonics because of their tusks, which hamper their ability to speak.
Also, WAAAAAAAAGH!

Also included are the Zerg. And by Zerg, I mean Tyranids. Their strategy consists of Zerg Rushing the shit out of everything, and then if for some reason their enemies survive, Zerg Rushing it again until there is nothing left to Zerg Rush. They're a completely organic species, and I'm sure I'd play them more if it wasn't for their complete lack of chainswords.

Well boys, it was a good war, might as well just bend over and get it over with...

The last race included is the Eldar. They're a lot like the Protoss really, if you've ever played Starcraft (Because you have, or I'll beat you), but they go the extra mile to be that much cooler. They even look kinda human, unlike the Protoss, who have lizard skin. Purple lizard skin. Even though I dislike them more then the other three races, they're still kickass.

Like every other aspect of this game, the graphics are beautiful. The landscape, blood splatters, everything is beautiful. The soundtrack is amazing, the sounds of Orks fleeing and Tyranids being mowed down by my bolter and chainsword.

But, like every other game, it has its flaws. I loved what I played of the campaign, but it was really the same mission over and over again. At least the missions itself were well done and were going to keep you on the edge of your seat, but, as I said, it was the same thing over and over again, and that makes me sad.

The multiplayer is disappointing, but still great. The number of maps are depressingly limited, but that is made up for by the chainswords. I mean, the diversity of how each race plays on certain maps.

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