I'm a Valve fanboy, but even if I give this game a 100%, I wouldn't be doing it enough service. I actually have to think long and hard to find something wrong with this game. So, let's break this gorgeous little gem open, piece by beautiful, beautiful piece.

Then Bill. Bill is a cynical, chain smoking, 60-something Nam vet with an attitude. In the two cutscenes, he's pretty much the leader of the group, although once gameplay shows up, anyone is (usually the guy with the mic). For a 60 year old, he's pretty damn agile, which makes me suspect he's on the roids or something.

Louis is the third character. Louis is pretty blank. He was an average Joe, working a 9 to 5 office job. He wore a tie, he took water cooler breaks, and went bar hopping once a week. He is also black. He's my usual character, because he is awesome, and more then likely based off Shaun from Shaun of the Dead.

Then Zoey. Everyone who has gone to this backwater site knows of my love-bordering-on-obsession of Zelda and Samus. They don't know, however, that I called dibs on Zoey in case princesses and bounty hunters can't handle this much stud. Zoey is... how can I describe Zoey. She's like... perfect. She's an 18 year old med student (IRONY YAY!) in the top third of her class that is immune to the Rage virus and likes horror films. And then me, I live in a world where the Rage virus doesn't exist, but my immune system is so damn good (I blame my disgusting eating habits) I'm probably immune, or at least highly resistant. I like horror films, I totally have brains (My IQ is 164. It's just I have an amount of common sense that would make a lemming seem like a learned professor.) Plus, I know exactly what to do in case of a zombie outbreak. So yeah, Zoey, if your reading this, call me please. I know you have my number. I've emailed you like... a hundred times.

And not only is her brain completely compatible with mine, look at her. She could totally win Miss Universe, and I could... win a hot dog eating contest. Or Biggest Loser. I would so pwn on that show.

Wait, shit, I have a review to write. Anyway...

Blood Harvest seems to be another popular one. This one is fighting through rural farmland to get to a farmhouse. Then using the farmhouse radio to call a massive tank truck like the one in the Dawn of the Dead remake.

Dead Air is the third. You spend most of your time fighting through back alleys of some city, then climbing through an airport to take out in a B-52. Plus the last level starts off with quite possibly the greatest plane "landing' ever. In the history of the universe.

My favorite, however, is the obscure Death Toll. You start outside the town of Riverside (guess how it got its name), slog through the sewers, and then enter the town. I don't know why, but I love the two levels you spend inside Riverside. It seems more open the two cities (Dead Air and No Mercy), and its easier for me to relate, because Mansfield is as much a small little redneck town as Zoey is gorgeous. I hate the sewers though, and for some reason, the finale with the boat seems to hate me.

Oh, and because people actually care, these graphics are Bioshock good. And I'm running it on Low.

In death, grey hoodies grant superpowers to Hunters. By which I mean they can jump OBSCENELY high and, should they land on you, rip your skin off with talons or something.

Did you enjoy an occasional puff on a cigarette when you were alive? Well, that has nothing to do with Smokers. Smokers are mostly famous for their tongues. Those tongues are 50 feet long. And Smokers use them as a lasso to either choke or pull in and beat the shit out of the survivors. Also, whenever you kill them, they release a puff of smoke that obscures your vision and probably cuts 10 years off your life.

Boomers are famous for being morbidly obese, jiggly, and vomiting. Sounds like a great guy, right? Well, he's not. If you kill one of these bastards, they explode, covering you in vomit that attracts the Horde. Also, they can puke on you, which, yep, unleashes the Horde. Kill them from a distance, or prepare to die horribly.

The Witch is basically a young woman in her underwear crying. However, you startle her in any way (shoot her, flashlight, let her see you), she will kill you. End of story.

Now imagine him dead. That's a Tank. Strong as they get, able to throw cars as easily as you throw a ball (or should be able to if you ever left your mother's basement,) and on Easy, they take two Assault Rifle clips to take down. FUN TIMES!

All in all, Left 4 Dead is nearly a perfect game. My only complaint with it (Only. As in one) is in the time it takes to find a server, I could read Crime and Punishment. And I'm playing Left4Dead so I don't have to read Crime and Punishment.

99%